The Divorce

Well...the marriage was over pretty much as soon as it started. So, the divorce was inevitable.

On Sunday, April 1, 2001, I came home from my job to spend time with my family. When I arrived my husband had been drinking. This was not odd for him, but for this time of the year it was unexpected. You see, he gave up alcohol and cigarettes for lent. He is an alcoholic, but was trying to make things better. Unfortunately, he had convinced himself that day that he didn't stop drinking for himself, but for me. That was his "excuse" to start drinking again. He was so angry with me for reasons unbeknownst that he drank himself into a misery. He yelled at me because I was not doing what he ordered me to do. I tried to talk him out of his problems, but his cousin, MIKEY (his name always makes me a little tense now), had already convinced him how right he was in his thinking.

He and his cousin cornered me in the master bedroom. They began taking turns telling me what a horrible person I was for "making" him give up smoking and drinking. If I recall, HE gave it up for lent all on his own. They kept bashing me verbally saying that I was selfish, inconsiderate, and not a caring and understanding wife. They said I couldn't possibly understand because I had NEVER been addicted to anything (except chocolate and soda...but who isn't at some point????). Next thing I knew, I was shoved up against the door jam while trying to remove myself from the situation. My hair was pulled out from behind both ears. I ran as fast as I could to get away. I jumped in my car and called my mom. He got on the other phone and called the police. Why did he call the police? I didn't do anything but leave. He's the one that was abusive!

Two police cars passed me as I was leaving the subdivision. I turned around just to see if they were going to my house. They were. I get out of the car to tell them I lived there. I was informed that I was having a complaint filed against me because I had injured my husband by throwing a glass at him and hurting his head. I never touched a glass, let alone threw it at him.

He knew that my parents were on the way up and wanted the police to be involved. So, he called first and made up a story. He wasn't going to jail alone according to him. If he was going down, he was taking me with him. He later admitted to me that he had made the story up because he didn't want to get locked up. What an IDIOT! People like him deserve to be locked up! Needless to say, he dropped the charges only after I dropped the charges against him. That was his plan all along.

The next day, I went to retain a lawyer and get a restraining order. I moved into a domestic shelter with my son (less than a year old at that time). He refused to agree to the divorce saying that I needed to get mental help, etc. My job was in jeopardy. Who wants a teacher that is being abused? beaten? or living in a domestic shelter? NO ONE! I ended up resigning because they didn't want a high profile victim being a teacher. They assured me that I would not be welcomed in their "religious" setting. They call that religious????? Catholics! Glad I never was one!

For the next 4+ years, I lived in fear. I became an Academy Award winning actress in my own life. He still abused me in every way but sexually. He thought I was so in love with him and wanted US to work out. I was merely surviving. In September of 2005, he struck for the last time. I finally did something to him. I threw a speaker through his big screen after he roughed me up and threw me against another wall. He called the police. They laughed at him because they couldn't arrest me for breaking something that was mine (we were still legally married and living in the same house...therefore it was MY television, too!) They could, however, arrest him for roughing me up. And...they did! Finally I can find peace...or can I?

The court date for me to testify was February 28, 2006. At the time of this entry, I am still awaiting the verdict. He, as expected, lied on the stand and left out the 2-3 minutes of his physical anger. All I ever wanted was for him to get counseling and help. I keep my fingers crossed and the verdict in my prayers.

Marriage

Why did I get married again?

It seems like I got married to create problems for myself. Have you ever felt like you were the worst person in the world? The fattest? The dummest? The ugliest? The worst parent? The worst spouse? The worst housekeeper? or The worst cook? Well I haven't, but my husband thinks I am.

You may ask...Why is he still her husband? Well...NOT FOR LONG!

I have lived a life that no one should ever have to live or even be exposed to. I have gone through personal therapy, and I'm currently on a mild medication to help me relax. Why should I need to be the one to get help. He's the problem! Out of the 6.5 years of marriage, I was mentally, socially, emotionally, and physically abused for 5 of them.

Why did I stay? He threatened to hurt my family, my kids, me, my friends...I didn't want to have that weighing on my conscience not matter how serious he was about doing it. So, I became an "award-winning actress" for the last 4.5 years just to get by. Apparently, it worked. The physical abuse went away...well except when he drank more because of the HORRIBLE day he had a work (about 1x a month or less). The other forms of abuse were constant and worsened with each day. My acting ability was so good (bragging) that when he finally agreed to the divorce, he asked if we could date again. WHAT! Why would I want to start that nightmare over again?

Did I mention he was an alcoholic? He doesn't think so, though. He was told by a relative that you are only an alcoholic if you are drunk a lot. HAHAHA...brains obviously don't run in the family! So, why fix what ain't broke? He did go to a physician in 2004 to get medicine for his depression. While he was being diagnosed for that...about 10 other problems were found. OCD, ADHD, Anxiety, and manic depression were among the few but dominant. Can you believe the doctor had the nerve to say he had anger management issues? Well, needless to say, he never went back to her again! The medicine did wonders! He was tolerable...and according to him, so was I. He was on the medicine for about 6 months. He told me one day that he needed to stop taking the medicine because he couldn't yell at his employees at work to motivate them. And he wonders why he loses employees all the time? Would you work for a boss that yelled at you to get you to work BETTER?

Enough about the misery...

Currently I am working a part-time job making little to no money, I have no health insurance, I make too much for a single mom with 2 kids to get welfare (a whopping $1100 a month). Who can live on that these days? I have a teaching license that I can not renew because I cannot afford the classes I need to take to update it. I hope to have that ready to go by this summer. I am working an evening job, so I can afford Christmas for my family this year.

There is good news in all of this. I found a house to rent this week, the divorce is ALMOST finalized, I have reconnected with my friends I was not allowed to have, and my kids are doing much better in school being away from my husband.

Overall, life is looking grand.

The Summer 2005

As usual, my summers are extremely hectic. Yet, I love the excitement!

I have just resigned from my teaching position with a middle school near my house. I have a 5 year-old son that needs my attention to prepare for Kindergarten. I am unsure of his diagnosis, but I am certain he has ADHD or some behavior problems.

I have 2 boys. Eric is the older one (7 years old), and Brendan is the younger one (5 years old).

Eric loves to play baseball in the summer. I don't know for sure, but I think he is getting burned out. He is on the all-star team, but they have only won 1 game in 2 years! They have a lot of talent, but not a winning appetite.

Last year I coached Eric's T-ball team. I coached Brendan's team this year. It was like night and day! I think that 90% of my practice time was trying to get Brendan to pay attention and not hit or kick people!