Marriage

Why did I get married again?

It seems like I got married to create problems for myself. Have you ever felt like you were the worst person in the world? The fattest? The dummest? The ugliest? The worst parent? The worst spouse? The worst housekeeper? or The worst cook? Well I haven't, but my husband thinks I am.

You may ask...Why is he still her husband? Well...NOT FOR LONG!

I have lived a life that no one should ever have to live or even be exposed to. I have gone through personal therapy, and I'm currently on a mild medication to help me relax. Why should I need to be the one to get help. He's the problem! Out of the 6.5 years of marriage, I was mentally, socially, emotionally, and physically abused for 5 of them.

Why did I stay? He threatened to hurt my family, my kids, me, my friends...I didn't want to have that weighing on my conscience not matter how serious he was about doing it. So, I became an "award-winning actress" for the last 4.5 years just to get by. Apparently, it worked. The physical abuse went away...well except when he drank more because of the HORRIBLE day he had a work (about 1x a month or less). The other forms of abuse were constant and worsened with each day. My acting ability was so good (bragging) that when he finally agreed to the divorce, he asked if we could date again. WHAT! Why would I want to start that nightmare over again?

Did I mention he was an alcoholic? He doesn't think so, though. He was told by a relative that you are only an alcoholic if you are drunk a lot. HAHAHA...brains obviously don't run in the family! So, why fix what ain't broke? He did go to a physician in 2004 to get medicine for his depression. While he was being diagnosed for that...about 10 other problems were found. OCD, ADHD, Anxiety, and manic depression were among the few but dominant. Can you believe the doctor had the nerve to say he had anger management issues? Well, needless to say, he never went back to her again! The medicine did wonders! He was tolerable...and according to him, so was I. He was on the medicine for about 6 months. He told me one day that he needed to stop taking the medicine because he couldn't yell at his employees at work to motivate them. And he wonders why he loses employees all the time? Would you work for a boss that yelled at you to get you to work BETTER?

Enough about the misery...

Currently I am working a part-time job making little to no money, I have no health insurance, I make too much for a single mom with 2 kids to get welfare (a whopping $1100 a month). Who can live on that these days? I have a teaching license that I can not renew because I cannot afford the classes I need to take to update it. I hope to have that ready to go by this summer. I am working an evening job, so I can afford Christmas for my family this year.

There is good news in all of this. I found a house to rent this week, the divorce is ALMOST finalized, I have reconnected with my friends I was not allowed to have, and my kids are doing much better in school being away from my husband.

Overall, life is looking grand.